Quick Hits

What do you do when you feel obligated to give a gift?

Gifts of obligation are one of my least favorite things. 

I struggle when I WANT to give someone a gift (e.g., a dear friend's birthday this week). Never mind if I feel like I HAVE to give something. 

I'm just lousy at it because I want it to be useful, special or at least something the other person wants. 

For me, I'd rather you not give me a gift than give me something out of obligation. 

What do other people do in those cases? Surely, they are better at it than I am. 

Stewart Wiggins, Greg Gurev and Dr. Bob Choat shared their experience with obligated gift giving. It seems they aren't tons better at it than I am.

Do you have a better answer than we came up with? Because I would sorely love to hear it.

Connect with the panelists:
Stewart Wiggins: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewart-wiggins/ 
Greg Gurev: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ggurev/ 
Dr. Bob Choat: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobchoat/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com #giftgiving #giftideas

What makes something flirting?

I can certainly say that I KNOW when I'm flirting. I also know when I'm not.

However, I and many women I know, have been accused of flirting when we are simply being nice/kind/friendly. Even being told we are "too friendly" (Is that a thing and what does it mean?).

I have a male friend who oozes charm and admits it is often mistaken as flirting. 

Who gets to decide if something is flirting? Is it body language? Tone? Pheromones?

I am sure there are bodies of university research on the subject but I wanted to know what regular people thought.

What a fun conversation Daisy Cedeño MS, Janet Fouts, Wayne Buckhanan, PhD and I had.

What do you think about flirting? What is it and who decides if something is or is not flirting?

Connect with the panelists: 
Janet Fouts: https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetfouts/
Daisy Cedeño MS:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/daisy-cede%C3%B1o-ms/ 
Dr. Wayne Buckhanan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/waynebuckhanan/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

#flirt #leadingon #toofriendly

How do you know if someone is your friend?

Tim Hawkes started us off by putting my thoughts into words, "I must know the answer to this as I have friends."

Cami Travis-Groves then added a great point about trust and feeling safe. Which brings the circle in tighter than how I think the word "friend" is often used.

We might say "friend" but really we are talking about someone we just know. There is such a spectrum of friendship too. I have a dear friend (the word "dear" makes her more special right?) I met in my 20s. We don't talk often but if I needed her, I know she would be there to the best of her ability immediately.

Then there are "friends" who I would have a nice chat with at an event. We might talk about getting together for coffee or dinner. I would likely even invite them at some point. But it would never actually happen. 

What do you think? What makes someone your friend? How do you know?  

Connect with the panelists:
Cami Travis-Groves: https://www.linkedin.com/in/goodjujucami/ 
Tim Hawkes: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timhawkes/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

 #friendships #friends

Professional skills you need to be paid for versus a friendly conversation.

How do you decide when something is a professional skill you need to be paid for and when it's just a friendly conversation?

This is a struggle for all knowledge service providers. When you sell a widget, it is easy to recognize when you are giving away something of value (your friends expecting you to give away your widgets is a different issue).

When you make a living providing knowledge, the line is less clear. I make my living talking to people and helping them sort through the challenges of life. 

I don't work by the hour because I believe it is a conflict of interest. Chaos doesn't happen on a schedule. My clients are encouraged to text/email or even call whenever they need to.Sounds like a good friend right? 

The difference is, there is no expected reciprocation. I don't call them with my stuff. They don't have to listen to the latest drama with my family (I'm the oldest of eight kids. There is ALWAYS drama going on with someone, often multiple someones, in my family).

That is how I have learned to recognize when I am tipping from friendship into coaching/therapy I'm not getting paid for. When someone doesn't ask about me or I don't feel listened to. 

But by then we are often at a point where they think I'm their best friend and the conversation often goes something like this:

Me: You should really hire a coach or a therapist.
Them: Why I have you.
Me: That's not how friendship works.
Them: That's okay I don't mind.
Me: But I do. 

And then they are offended. I have never had someone say, "You're right. I should be paying you." When I draw a boundary around my professional skills, they feel like I'm ending a friendship. 

I wondered, how do other people deal with this issue? How do they avoid these messy situations without just refusing to talk to people who aren't paying them?

Dr. Bob Choat, Bruce Wayne Meleski, PhD and James H. Lee were kind enough to share their experience with me. 

I don't think we came up with a solid, "This is exactly how you keep that from happening" answer. Even after the recording was turned off when more stories were shared, it was acknowledged that it is a problem and the boundaries are hard.

As a service provider, what do you do? As a friend, how do you make sure you aren't abusing your friend's professional skills? 

Connect with the panelists:
Dr. Bob Choat: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobchoat/ 
Bruce Wayne Meleski, PhD: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bruce-wayne-meleski-phd-8b18118/ 
James Lee: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jleeadvisor/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com 

#getpaid #friendships

What do you do when someone steals your work and uses it?

It might be a post you worked hard to create, an idea at work, a design or a paper you wrote for class. Seeing someone else use and get credit for your idea can be a gut punch. 

How do you respond? 

Atif Agha, Karen Loomis and Jeff Glauser and I had a conversation about it and our ideas were pretty different.

I have to admit, my hackles come up when someone steals my work. Others were more willing to look at it as a learning opportunity that they should have done something different or even as flattery.

Do you think online posts have different rules around what is plagiarism?

Connect with the panelists:
Karen Loomis: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kloomis/    
Atif Agha: https://www.linkedin.com/in/atifagha/ 
Jeff Glauser: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeffglauser/  
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com 

#plagiarism #ideas

How do you move passed small talk?

I don't know that I have ever met someone who loves small talk. Even as an extreme extrovert, I would much rather talk about things that make me think than the weather or why someone is at an event.

To get the ball rolling in that direction, I will sometimes share something that might be considered interesting or personal about myself. That signals that I am open to having a real conversation.

I wondered if other people have strategies they use. Fortunately, Laura Fitts, Jim Tam and Philip Tate, APR, were willing to have a conversation with me about it.

What tips do you have for getting beyond small talk? I'm always interested in hearing ways to create real conversations. Please share yours.

Connect with the panelists:
Laura Fitts: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurafitts/
Jim Tam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimtam/ 
Philip Tate: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philiptateaprfellowprsa/
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com  

#smalltalk #realtalk #conversations

How do you avoid agonizing over an unchosen option?

Life is full of choices. Sometimes you pick one and it doesn't turn out like you'd hoped. It's easy to fall into a pit of "what if" rumination. 

What if I'd done the other thing? If only I'd done the other thing.

But doing that doesn't allow us to move forward from where we are. 

I asked Dina Perreault, Anita Toth and Gary Fredericks what they did in situations like that. 

We all agreed that it's okay to feel sad and even mourn that the choice you made didn't work out. Then what, if anything, can you learn? Finally, what next?

It has been said with age comes wisdom. Wisdom comes from making mistakes and learning from them. We are kinda destined to make the wrong choice sometimes.

What about you? How do you keep yourself from beating yourself up over choices you've made?

Connect with the panelists:
Dina Perreault: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dinaperreault/ 
Anita Toth: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anitamtoth/ 
Gary Fredericks: https://www.linkedin.com/in/garyfredericks/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com 

#liveandlearn #decisionmaking

How do you recognize temptations masquerading as opportunities

Shiny object syndrome. What's new? What's easy? What's the quick fix?

Doing the work to achieve big goals isn't sexy. It is easy to spend five years jumping from thing to thing when in reality, sticking to one thing for five years will get you much farther.

I had the perfect panel to having this conversation. Two former NFL players, Marques Ogden and Michael Giuliano and a number one podcaster and interior designer Nataliya Lloyd. 

We got to spend a few minutes talking about what has kept them focused (that is the key, focus) and what has cost them focus and progress.

How do you recognize temptations to stray from your goals?

Connect with the panelists:
Nataliya Lloyd: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nataliyalloyd/
Marques Ogden: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marquesogden/ 
Michael Giuliano: https://www.linkedin.com/in/01of01/
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com 

#nfl #podcast #focusonwhatmatters

How do you deal with getting the silent treatment?

The silent treatment is recognized as a strategy in a personal argument. But that's not the only place it happens. 

A work colleague stops replying to your emails. 

Text messages suddenly start going "missing."  

Your voice can no longer be heard in meetings. "Maybe your zoom is flaking out."

I got to chat with Andrew Baharlias, Dr. Rhonda Bompensa-Zimmerman and Keji Moses about how they handle receiving the silent treatment.

One thing we all agreed upon - it's not useful and it is a ridiculous way for adults to deal with conflict.

What about you. How do you handle it when someone gives you the silent treatment?

Connect with the panelists:
Dr. Rhonda Bompensa-Zimmerman: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-rhonda-bompensa-zimmerman-138aa3b/
Keji Moses CMgr FCMI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/keji-moses-mcmi-61aaa6180/ 
Andrew Baharlias: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-baharlias-6b3a216/  
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com

 #conflictmanagement #silent

What is the difference between being optimistic and having expectations?

"Don't get your hopes up." "Expect the worst and then you can be pleasantly surprised." "See the glass as half full." "Expect good things and good things will happen."

The platitudes about how we "should" see life are shallow and mostly useless.

I wondered how being optimistic fit with having expectations. Are they the same thing? 

Even after this conversation I'm not 100% sure of my answer to that question.

Lauren Schieffer, Mario P. Fields and Simon Coles were game to have this esoteric discussion and we had fun doing it!

What do you think. Where is the balance in optimism and expectations? 

Connect with the panelists:
Simon Coles: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sjcoles/ 
Lauren Schieffer: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurenannschieffer/
Mario P. Fields: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mariopfields/ 
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

Want a summary of the five Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/ 

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com #expectations #optimistic